In October of 2000 we took our family to Galveston for a vacation.
This was before we moved into our new house, before we sold our old house, before we joined Eastland Baptist Church, before we had done much of anything except make plans.
We had joined the little church in Glenpool and quickly got to work.
But all the busy-ness in the world could not adequately distract us from the nagging strangeness of starting over.
So, we went to Galveston!
I grew up in Sugar Land.
Galveston was only an hour away.
I had driven there many times with friends as a teen and loved most the sound of the ocean, the salty air (especially at night) and the beachy caw of the sea gulls.
Over the 24 years of our relationship, Paul and I made many short trips there, but this trip would be very different from all the rest.
This time we would rent a beach house and stay there for a whole week!
Our previous trips there were always just a brief excursion made in conjunction with trips to visit my family in Sugar Land.
It was close to midnight when we arrived.
The drive along the seawall to the place we would be staying for the week is a sweetly poignant memory.
While driving, we opened the windows allowing the cool salty air to lightly moisten our faces. As the ceaseless crashing and slapping sounds of the ocean waters nearly lulled me to sleep, a song played over and over in my mind in a loop that kept me from it.
The song was “Carry Me” by the Isaacs, a Gospel, Blue-grass-styled family group.
The lyrics, the melody, the sweetly crying timbre of the lead singer’s voice all echoed my heart’s melancholy state at that moment.
But dreamy as the solace of that moment was, there was something even better to come of this trip.
Any time we ever took a trip over the near twenty years of service in the church, we ALWAYS went to church while away.
While all the ‘vacations’ we took over the course of those years, were only to visit family, even when we took our first actual, real, just-for-fun vacation (my oldest was 16 before that happened), we still ALWAYS found a church to attend.
The Independent Baptist church on the Galveston Island was pastored by our friend, Don Rooks.
Don had previously pastored a church in Houston where my parents were members for several years. My sister, and her family had been members of this church in Galveston before moving back to Houston.
Although, this church would have been judged too ‘liberal’ for us to have ever considered joining had we lived there, we enjoyed the opportunity to ‘cheat’ a bit and visit there while on The Island.
After the Sunday night service was over, Don and Sheryl Rooks went to IHop with us.
They could immediately sense that we were down cast. Being the nosey, caring people, they were (and still are, wink, wink), they went to probing.
We really needed to talk and they were more than willing to listen.
Having all gone to the same Bible college within a short time of each other and knowing our brother-in-law and sister-in-law as well, they had much to say.
This conversation would prove to be the most significant, life-changing one of all other conversations we had ever had.
It also became the beginning of a brand new, very close, life-long friendship that continues to this day, twenty-four years later and in addition to the eighteen years we had already known them.
That makes for a forty-two year long, fun-filled, inspirational connection.
Not only did the Rooks offer us a great deal of comfort, support and advice that night, but they also invited us to attend their upcoming conference in Arkansas!
Don and Sheryl had founded this ministry years before and called it Connecting Point Ministries. Through this ministry, they scheduled a “Stress in the Ministry” conference for Pastors, their wives, their children, missionaries, and other ministry workers. It would be held in the fall of 2001.
But this was so much more than just a conference.
The Stress in the Ministry conferences they held two or three times a year included five days, four nights of concentrated, in-house teaching, group sessions and individual counseling by a team consisting of pastors and/or former pastors, their wives and other ministry professionals.
Everything, including food and lodging, were offered at no expense to the attendees!
The conference we’d be attending was being held at a beautiful, historic bed and breakfast located in a wooded area and during Arkansas’s most colorful time of the year... Fall.
Who could say no to that?
Paul did have one condition though.
“If ya’ll make us close our eyes and touch each other’s faces, we’re outta there!” he teased.
After reassuring us there would be no ‘blind-folded, face-feeling’, we agreed to go.
The Rooks did forewarn us, however, without giving us any further details, it would be an experience like no other. It would make the Independent, Fundamental Baptist in us a bit uncomfortable but nothing too heretical.
For us to agree to such a dubious event was a huge leap, but we were in a what-the-heck state of mind and didn’t even care to think it through.
After all, what we had already experienced was bizarre enough, so we were game for almost anything.
The Rooks had themselves experienced some very tragic events in their ministry lives before. They were rescued by a similar ministry where they were also trained to ‘pay it forward’ and help others.
They were well acquainted with the countless catastrophes often associated with church ministry and therefore, more than qualified to help us through ours.
The team they assembled for these conferences were also personally, well-acquainted with grief and trauma and had been specially trained to help others experiencing similar circumstances.
But before we attended any conferences, they left us with some extremely helpful advice and information.
The first bit of counsel we received from them that night was:
*UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance of our children is always right.
They advised us that to love and accept them unconditionally does not mean we are condoning their choices. They already know what choices we will not agree with but that does not mean we shouldn’t LOVE AND ACCEPT THEM!
It also does not mean that just because WE do not agree with their choices, their choices are wrong!
It’s about who they are NOT what they do.
I can’t express here how much and why we needed to hear that.
The next truth we learned from them that night was a bit harder to process-- much less embrace.
But now, it’s a guiding truth that I utilize more than any other.
And that is:
*PEOPLE ARE NOT WHAT THEY DO!
There is a person worthy and deserving of our love and acceptance who resides behind whatever behaviors we may deem troubling.
That person who struggles with addictions, anger, anxiety, dysfunction; who is oppositional, stubborn, adversarial etc. etc. etc. has most likely survived many and various forms of trauma.
Behaviors that are often declared 'sin' from Independent Fundamental Baptist pulpits are more than likely maladaptive coping mechanisms.
We had been taught, embraced and practiced the exact opposite of these truths.
So, a light came on that night.
That light enabled us to enjoy the rest of our vacation in a way we never could have apart from it.
From that night forward, we were able to see and understand our family from the brightness of a newly recognized light...
the light of truth.
But the best part of this leg of our journey is yet to come....
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